Grief Prior to Euthanasia and Creating a More Positive Experience

We typically grieve far in advance to the decision to euthanize. Each family member including our animal family members have their own unique grieving process. In addition to understanding each individual has their own process, it is extremely beneficial to recognize your feelings from others and not comingle them. If you can identify and separate your feelings from others you can be empowered to transform them if desired. Once undesired feelings are recognized they can be transformed to allow for a more positive experience for yourself, your family and especially for your ill animal. Our actions and I believe our thoughts affect our animals to a great degree. For this reason, I feel it is not only important to be mentally aware of what we are thinking and feeling but be open to changing our thoughts in order to better support and improve our entire family’s wellbeing.

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Acknowledgment and understanding of what you are FEELING and what you are THINKING is the first step to transforming undesired feelings.  As feelings begin to surface it is helpful to describe them individually with words. By describing them with words you can begin to eliminate being overwhelmed by emotion. You can then sort out your different feelings and thoughts and determine which ones you are authentically feeling and which thoughts you have created. This step allows you to be in control of your emotions, eradicate untrue thoughts and reduce stress and anxiety.  Ultimately, more of your energy can be directed toward creating a more positive experience for you, your animal and family.

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I would like to share a very personal experience that helps demonstrate the concepts above. Our family cat Venus had a terminal illness that was progressing. She was dying and I knew it. I remember standing outside the bathroom where she laid quiet but motionless. I had an overwhelming surge of emotion and felt helpless. I felt exposing her to my distress would cause her added stress so I thought to myself what can I do to prevent her from having to experience my anxiety? I thought to myself, what am I really feeling right now?  I was having a range of emotions and thoughts. I decided to sort them out one by one. The one that surfaced first was the feeling of guilt. I felt guilty because I was thinking I should have spent more time with her and should be doing so right now. Layered with the guilt I felt sad because I felt I failed her. With this discovery I sat down beside her. As I sat with her my mind became quiet and my overwhelmed state began to dissipate. I soon sensed very strongly that she wanted to be left alone and have her own space. The message was so compelling I quietly stood up and stepped out of the bathroom as quietly as possible. Once out of her space I felt a wave of peace and relief. I truly felt I honored her wish. At that moment I realized my thought of not spending enough time with her especially in the state she was in was fabricated by me. It was not the truth but something I conjured up in my head. It was a powerful experience teaching me that sometimes what we think including what we think others want is not accurate and truthful. From that time on I concentrated my energy on trying to honor what Venus wanted from me. In doing so, I myself benefited as well as the rest of my family. My intent on sharing this story is to hopefully help people experience for themselves a more peaceful, meaningful journey.